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Misses Saturday

November 9, 2009

I wasn’t in the mood to post new blog last saturday because I was felt down. Here’s what happened last saturday:

When we were at the chapel for Babeh’s final burial,everyone seems so quiet and I was hiding and almost crying. The mass was still going on, and me, trying to calm myself cannot even hide the feelings I felt for Babeh’s death. She is like my younger sister cuz I’m the only younger of the family. Again, Babeh is not my blood-related peson. She is merely my neighbor. I know everything about that baby girl. That’s why I am one of most affected of that situation. As the mass ended, we approach to Babeh’s casket. I can’t even bursts out my feelings. I always cry until I almost faint. No, almost to faint. My heart seems to tighten and I can’t even catch my breath. My hands were getting numb and I told Mama about it. I was so scared for what had happened to me. I don’t even know my sickness. I was attacked almost 3 times. And that’s the 3rd attack. I cried and cried. Mama is there to comfort me. Mommy (Babeh’s mother) saw my situation that’s why she insisted that I must prefer to stay back home and take some rest. But I can’t I’d still want to go there to witness the last goodbye of Babeh. Bon-Bon (Babeh’s older sister) lend me some water to calm. I can’t even control my hands. I was worried that it could be a sign of stroke? Oh, no! I wished it is not! They left us. Only few are still remain in the chapel. I always insisted Mama “I want to go there.” But Mama already got mad because I might be faint there and it will cause problem. That’s why I decide to stay in our store almost near to the cemetery. My Kuya saw me crying. I want to cry it aloud so that my feelings would be at ease. But there, there’s no place to be stay alone. So I went back to the other store which had a room. There, I was alone and crying. Lying on bed still crying. I felt the super headache. I can’t even fall asleep. After 3 hours I felt quite calm. Everything’s going back to normal. I only recall to saw pictures and videos of Babeh. 

At that night, my ease was increasing due to my crush’s presence. He first talk to me and we talked awhile. 

 

Next post again. It’s already time.



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